So I have put a halt on blogging about the honeymoon because well, I want to blog about this. So in my speech class we have to give a speech and a power point about someone or someplace famous. Now I have been pretty careful about choosing topics for speechs, because I want them to represent who I am, and be personal. I feel like so far I have done a pretty good job. So I went back and fourth on what topic I wanted to do for a while i thought I could do this castle ( yes I have been there and its utterly AMAZING) but the more I looked into the less facts I had. This castle is beautiful, and has a lot of history to it...but it didn't really fit my speech topic. So I have changed my topic from a castle to C.S. Lewis. I have learned a lot about C.S. Lewis, and I am finding him more and more fascinating. I have read a ton of biographies and books and I really would love to have had coffee with this guy. seriously he is brilliant.
So this has gotten me onto a kick- for those of you that know me I love to read. love love love to read. This is thanks to my father who himself loves to read and he has always encouraged me to read from a young age and this has helped me become a lover of books. So I am going to do a challenge.
I am going to read all of C.S. Lewis books. He wrote 30 of them. Now I know that this will take me a while- but I can do this. My goal is a book a month. so at this rate it will take me 2 1/2 years. (HA! I can do it faster than that)
But he wrote the Chronicles of Narnia (which will be fun to read) and quit a few theology books. Which I find pretty interesting- but I like that he says in Mere Christianity (this is me paraphrasing it) but he basically says that knowing theology doesn't affect you getting into the kingdom of heaven, it helps you understand things more, and dig deeper, but if it doesn't intrest you and you believe in Jesus its okay.
As of right now I am reading the Screw tape letters- which is great so far. I really like it. I will blog more about what I think about it later. AND if anyone wants to join me on the journey of reading C.S. Lewis books please do! It will be fun!
I am my Beloved's, and His desire is for me. Song of Solomon 7:10
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
continued...
So my dad came and got me and I watched each of thees girls that I loved dearly walk out ahead of me. Then I saw my Aunt and cousin Nadia (She is SO cute) and Nadia was having a hard time getting it together she was the flower girl. So my aunt Andie was the first one to see me and she was so funny! Then I heard the song I was walking out to which was this song.. and then it was game time. I would like to say that I was pretty nervous for walkin down the isle. I mean this is every girls moment, where all eyes are on her and its fantastic. Well to be honest that made me a little nervous and I think that you could tell by how fast i started out walking. Then my Dad (thank you Jesus) said we should slow down- and then I saw him. It was that moment of- nothing else matters at all. We are here on this day marrying each other because this is what God had planned for us. And he looked so handsome! Then the ceremony was done. Not really but it FLEW by. I feel like it lasted maybe 15 minutes? which we wanted a quick ceremony (and good thing because the shoes I was wearing were killing my feet.) literally right when we walked out of sight where people could no longer see is I ripped off my shoes and put on my flats. Then we went off and took pictures with or wedding party came back and we introduced as Mr & Mrs Stone to this awesome song.. we wanted to kick off being mr and mrs stone dancing and enjoying all of the lovely people around us. which is exactly what we did! and thans to Kyle and (soon to be Mr & MRs ) Gretta we had great music! Then it was time for us to go. We gathered all of our belongings and were ready to leave. Only to come out to getting pegged in the face with a bucket of bird seed (jake or brett...was that you?!) and to see our car covered in (semi inappropriate) comments and our car filled with glitter. seriously they dumped glitter down out vents! Not okay! to this day its still like a party every time we turn on our vents. We get shot in the face with glitter. The first few times it was funny, but after a while it gets a little old. The we were off! the next day we were heading to Ireland. It was such relief that we were married. That may sound weird but everything had been flipped upside down, and I felt like we were put to the test to see how we would deal. We were now one, and were off to spent 2 weeks in Ireland! So awesome...
So the next morning we woke up packed out bags and headed to the airport for 2 transfer flights then a 5 1/2 hour flight that goes to Dublin( 5 1/2 hours doesn't sound too bad until your sitting in a seat for 5 1/2 hours and just want to lay down. Then it gets a little annoying) We make it through the first few flights then the long one- so we were on the plane when we should have been sleeping which was weird, i had a ton of movies to choose from and sleep was needed. But we finally arrive to the absolutely stunning Ireland- green every where! and it was 6am there. We are like zombie status tired, and look the part. We get our rental car and we are off o County Sligo which was where we spent the first part of our honeymoon. We get to out cottage which looked exactly as it sounds cute cozy, fire place, and sheep everywhere! We crashed, well the plan was to stay up as late as we could which was about noon, and the sleep. So we slept and then woke up. I though it was the next morning,like convinced we had slept from noon to 6am the next day. which was not true. Brandon said "did you ever wake up and see it dark out?" nope. end of thought.
So the next morning we woke up packed out bags and headed to the airport for 2 transfer flights then a 5 1/2 hour flight that goes to Dublin( 5 1/2 hours doesn't sound too bad until your sitting in a seat for 5 1/2 hours and just want to lay down. Then it gets a little annoying) We make it through the first few flights then the long one- so we were on the plane when we should have been sleeping which was weird, i had a ton of movies to choose from and sleep was needed. But we finally arrive to the absolutely stunning Ireland- green every where! and it was 6am there. We are like zombie status tired, and look the part. We get our rental car and we are off o County Sligo which was where we spent the first part of our honeymoon. We get to out cottage which looked exactly as it sounds cute cozy, fire place, and sheep everywhere! We crashed, well the plan was to stay up as late as we could which was about noon, and the sleep. So we slept and then woke up. I though it was the next morning,like convinced we had slept from noon to 6am the next day. which was not true. Brandon said "did you ever wake up and see it dark out?" nope. end of thought.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wedding III
To say that life has been hectic in the past 2 months would be a very safe understatement. Its funny that Before school started I was bored out of my mind... now I am trying to just catch a break. wellI have and I am going to blog- its been far too long. I will finihs the whole wedding story.
SO the day of my wedding started out like any other day- really it didnt hit me until I put on my wedding dress. BUt I got up packed my bags- told my bridesmaids I would see them soon and I went and met up with my mom dad and brother and showed them out house in Los alamos. Because LA opened up the day of our wedding! ha- funny funny. So I hugn out with them then went and got my hair done with my sweet mama ( got my face burned in the process.....(no joke she burned my face with a salon curling iron. and by the end of the night I had a pretty awesome scab.) I figured I havent really freaked out over much, why freak out over a burn? Well then we went to nanas house and finished getting ready. Sarah did my makeup and then it was go time- dress is going on. I put in on then it hit me,I am getting married! holy cow! we have made it! praise Jesus! Then we sat there and waited to go take pictures which was fun and then went back to nanas and sat. and sat. and sat. Then we got ready to go and my dad came to get me. MAN was that emotional! It was precious and I loved it!...more later I have to get to class!
SO the day of my wedding started out like any other day- really it didnt hit me until I put on my wedding dress. BUt I got up packed my bags- told my bridesmaids I would see them soon and I went and met up with my mom dad and brother and showed them out house in Los alamos. Because LA opened up the day of our wedding! ha- funny funny. So I hugn out with them then went and got my hair done with my sweet mama ( got my face burned in the process.....(no joke she burned my face with a salon curling iron. and by the end of the night I had a pretty awesome scab.) I figured I havent really freaked out over much, why freak out over a burn? Well then we went to nanas house and finished getting ready. Sarah did my makeup and then it was go time- dress is going on. I put in on then it hit me,I am getting married! holy cow! we have made it! praise Jesus! Then we sat there and waited to go take pictures which was fun and then went back to nanas and sat. and sat. and sat. Then we got ready to go and my dad came to get me. MAN was that emotional! It was precious and I loved it!...more later I have to get to class!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
wedding part 2
Once we left (we left from every one was told to evacuate) we went down to White Rock, where Brandon's Nanas lives. and this was plan B for the wedding. and to be honest I was afraid that they were going to evacuate us again, and we would have to go onto plan C. Thank you Jesus we did not have to go to Albuquerque.
so we get down there and are hanging out and then we see the announcement on the news saying that it was evacuations time and do not go to white rock (which is exactly where we went - ha)
but we were fine and okay. It was time to move on and start planning like we were having the wedding in White Rock. So we did. planning away- and I had good moments and not so good moments. It was time to just plan and trust Jesus.
My mom and I planned away went to Sams and bought everything we needed and I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of 3 of my bridesmaids. I could not wait for them to come. seriously I was SO excited to get to see them and just be with them. So they came a few days early to help me which was so great that they did. The best part of the week before the wedding was getting to spend time with my girls and my mom. It was great to have my people with me- surrounding me and just loving on me. I had SO much fun with them going out to dinner and seeing a movie, shopping, and just being together. I am so blessed to have so many great women in my life. SO blessed.
but the wedding was on, and we were planning away. 2 days before the wedding my girls planned a day/night away for me and the bridesmaids + a a bunch a friends at a resort close by. i cannot even begin to explain to you how excited I was to just sit, and relax in the sun. And thats exactly what I did and it was glorious. My wonderful Aunt (hey Andie! if you reading this love you!) my mom and I sat by the pool until other girls came and drank fancy drinks with little umbrellas in them. it was glorious.
so then it was the bachelorette party which was so much fun! I was able to go out with the girls, have a few drinks and dance (in a non sketch place.) we had SO much fun!
the next day was the day before the wedding & the rehearsal I can say easily my favorite part of the rehearsal was standing up there with Brandon and looking behind me to see all of the girls that I love so much. I got teary-eyed thinking about how much of a role that each of these girls have played in my life. That was my favorite part. They have helped me become who I am. and it was precious. Then soon enough it was the day of the wedding and to be honest it didn't even feel like my wedding day at all....
so we get down there and are hanging out and then we see the announcement on the news saying that it was evacuations time and do not go to white rock (which is exactly where we went - ha)
but we were fine and okay. It was time to move on and start planning like we were having the wedding in White Rock. So we did. planning away- and I had good moments and not so good moments. It was time to just plan and trust Jesus.
My mom and I planned away went to Sams and bought everything we needed and I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of 3 of my bridesmaids. I could not wait for them to come. seriously I was SO excited to get to see them and just be with them. So they came a few days early to help me which was so great that they did. The best part of the week before the wedding was getting to spend time with my girls and my mom. It was great to have my people with me- surrounding me and just loving on me. I had SO much fun with them going out to dinner and seeing a movie, shopping, and just being together. I am so blessed to have so many great women in my life. SO blessed.
but the wedding was on, and we were planning away. 2 days before the wedding my girls planned a day/night away for me and the bridesmaids + a a bunch a friends at a resort close by. i cannot even begin to explain to you how excited I was to just sit, and relax in the sun. And thats exactly what I did and it was glorious. My wonderful Aunt (hey Andie! if you reading this love you!) my mom and I sat by the pool until other girls came and drank fancy drinks with little umbrellas in them. it was glorious.
so then it was the bachelorette party which was so much fun! I was able to go out with the girls, have a few drinks and dance (in a non sketch place.) we had SO much fun!
the next day was the day before the wedding & the rehearsal I can say easily my favorite part of the rehearsal was standing up there with Brandon and looking behind me to see all of the girls that I love so much. I got teary-eyed thinking about how much of a role that each of these girls have played in my life. That was my favorite part. They have helped me become who I am. and it was precious. Then soon enough it was the day of the wedding and to be honest it didn't even feel like my wedding day at all....
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
our wedding week- part 1
ahhh...first post since I got married. Thats a strange thing- I got married and now have a husband. well from the last time i updated my blog until alot has happened. I mean alot has happened.
I will first start off with saying planning a wedding is pretty hectic.. and i think that it is very easy to get consumed with stupid little details. and I did it- so thats why I can say that they are stupid. every wedding I went to I cannot remeber what the floral arangments looked like, or what the center pices looked like, or what food was served- lame. But what I can remember is the first look of the groom as his bride walks down the isle, their first dance and then them leaving and how happy they looked.
so why do we so easily get consumed with silly little things? well I think thats its all the wedding blogs, magazines, and everyhting else that adds to it.
and it is very safe to say that I learned that those things dont matter. I feel like on the day I got married all that I cared about was the fact that all of my dearest friends were there, and I was marrying th man of my dreams.
well about 5 days before the wedding thats what I realzied and I clung to that.
I think that God was teaching me and is teaching me alot. the week before my wedding I was busy planning away. my sweet mom had come into town and we were just hanging out and the house, doing wedding things.
Brandon and I were going to this coffee shop to work on our vows together. we are sitting there for a while and then we notice a large billow of smoke coming from the mountains. If you didnt know this our wedding locatin was in the jemez mountains. and it was going to be beautiful! we had just spent all day saturday working away at it, and getting it all ready.
Brandon looks up on google "fire in Los Alamos country" and sure enough the jemez mountains are on fire. 10 years ago there was a fire here and it burnt down half of the town, so to say that people here scare easy would be an understatement..and its because their homes burned down(freak out- understandable)
so we stayed calm(well he did) and we went on like usual and then we had a couples shower that night down in white rock (about 15 minutes away from LA) and we are sitting outside and it is raining ash..
no joke. raining ash.
Brandon quickly pulls me aside and starts to talk me though a possibility of plan B for our wedding. (imiagine your a week away from your wedding. and then your wedding location is clsoe to the fire, and you may have to change venues..yup loads of emotions)
so I had a bit of a melt down, or I am not sure what to call it. For me it was like whatever Brandon was saying was what I was holding onto. I told him that I needed to cry- that I had dreamed of this day being perfect since i was a little girl and that I had a right to cry. he agreed and said cry as much as you need too.
so we sat where no one could really see us, and I cried, and cried hard on my soon to be husband shoulder.
after that it was game time, I no longer cared about much else other than the fact that we are safe.
as we are driving back to our house( I wasn't living in our house yet...I was living at Brandons dad house just a block away) I see flames coming over the mountain. I could literally see individual flames lighting things on fire- then a little bit of panic began to set it.
I am going to back track and say it is awesome to see how quickly people surround you with love. Right when we found out that evacuation was a possibility there were 4-5 people around us just talking us through it (when I say us I mean me. Brandon was so stinkin calm.) and I was so blessed to have Amy there (Amy gilbert) because she quickly began to just pray. pray for everything it was very touching to know that God is in control of this- even the fire. He knew that this fire was going to happen and I had to trust and know that God wants nothing but great things for me. and I really had to try hard to see it.
Brandon calmly said "Christian I am going to need you to go and pack everything of yours up at my dad's house and then meet me back at the house- so we can pack up there"
so I did just that.
threw everything that my mom and I had into suitcases, and laundry baskets.and we were at our house now, and doing the same thing.
we knew that if they said we needed to evacuate that everyone would be leaving all at once and we could be stuck in traffic for a while. so we filled up our cars and while Brandon was filling up his truck he saw a bear running down the street- no joke its because they were fleeing from the fire.
But after we had everything packed up we took video of our house (in case it burned down) and just sat around and listened to the radio. We didn't end up leaving that night we weren't in any immediate danger so we went back to the house tried to sleep and went on as semi-normal as we could.
the next morning my mom and I decided to go grab some coffee and on our way there we say the military rollin in hot. there were about 6 military trucks coming in and honestly this struck a little bit of fear into me. haha I called brandon and said that we should leave, he was busy planting the daisys that he had grown from seed so we were going to wait until he was done and then leave.
and we did....
to be continued..(because this post is already far too long)
I will first start off with saying planning a wedding is pretty hectic.. and i think that it is very easy to get consumed with stupid little details. and I did it- so thats why I can say that they are stupid. every wedding I went to I cannot remeber what the floral arangments looked like, or what the center pices looked like, or what food was served- lame. But what I can remember is the first look of the groom as his bride walks down the isle, their first dance and then them leaving and how happy they looked.
so why do we so easily get consumed with silly little things? well I think thats its all the wedding blogs, magazines, and everyhting else that adds to it.
and it is very safe to say that I learned that those things dont matter. I feel like on the day I got married all that I cared about was the fact that all of my dearest friends were there, and I was marrying th man of my dreams.
well about 5 days before the wedding thats what I realzied and I clung to that.
I think that God was teaching me and is teaching me alot. the week before my wedding I was busy planning away. my sweet mom had come into town and we were just hanging out and the house, doing wedding things.
Brandon and I were going to this coffee shop to work on our vows together. we are sitting there for a while and then we notice a large billow of smoke coming from the mountains. If you didnt know this our wedding locatin was in the jemez mountains. and it was going to be beautiful! we had just spent all day saturday working away at it, and getting it all ready.
Brandon looks up on google "fire in Los Alamos country" and sure enough the jemez mountains are on fire. 10 years ago there was a fire here and it burnt down half of the town, so to say that people here scare easy would be an understatement..and its because their homes burned down(freak out- understandable)
so we stayed calm(well he did) and we went on like usual and then we had a couples shower that night down in white rock (about 15 minutes away from LA) and we are sitting outside and it is raining ash..
no joke. raining ash.
Brandon quickly pulls me aside and starts to talk me though a possibility of plan B for our wedding. (imiagine your a week away from your wedding. and then your wedding location is clsoe to the fire, and you may have to change venues..yup loads of emotions)
so I had a bit of a melt down, or I am not sure what to call it. For me it was like whatever Brandon was saying was what I was holding onto. I told him that I needed to cry- that I had dreamed of this day being perfect since i was a little girl and that I had a right to cry. he agreed and said cry as much as you need too.
so we sat where no one could really see us, and I cried, and cried hard on my soon to be husband shoulder.
after that it was game time, I no longer cared about much else other than the fact that we are safe.
as we are driving back to our house( I wasn't living in our house yet...I was living at Brandons dad house just a block away) I see flames coming over the mountain. I could literally see individual flames lighting things on fire- then a little bit of panic began to set it.
I am going to back track and say it is awesome to see how quickly people surround you with love. Right when we found out that evacuation was a possibility there were 4-5 people around us just talking us through it (when I say us I mean me. Brandon was so stinkin calm.) and I was so blessed to have Amy there (Amy gilbert) because she quickly began to just pray. pray for everything it was very touching to know that God is in control of this- even the fire. He knew that this fire was going to happen and I had to trust and know that God wants nothing but great things for me. and I really had to try hard to see it.
Brandon calmly said "Christian I am going to need you to go and pack everything of yours up at my dad's house and then meet me back at the house- so we can pack up there"
so I did just that.
threw everything that my mom and I had into suitcases, and laundry baskets.and we were at our house now, and doing the same thing.
we knew that if they said we needed to evacuate that everyone would be leaving all at once and we could be stuck in traffic for a while. so we filled up our cars and while Brandon was filling up his truck he saw a bear running down the street- no joke its because they were fleeing from the fire.
But after we had everything packed up we took video of our house (in case it burned down) and just sat around and listened to the radio. We didn't end up leaving that night we weren't in any immediate danger so we went back to the house tried to sleep and went on as semi-normal as we could.
the next morning my mom and I decided to go grab some coffee and on our way there we say the military rollin in hot. there were about 6 military trucks coming in and honestly this struck a little bit of fear into me. haha I called brandon and said that we should leave, he was busy planting the daisys that he had grown from seed so we were going to wait until he was done and then leave.
and we did....
to be continued..(because this post is already far too long)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
LC 2011
Tomorrow I leave for camp yet again,
this time things are a lot different.
So much has changed in the past year it is un-believable. Last year I was getting ready to leave for camp, with Kingman, and with 14 kids all of which I was so excited to be around.There had been so much anticipations for camp, just because this would be the last camp for me with Kingman Young Life. Over the past few years each one of these girl has grown so dear to my heart, and camp would be the last pull. After camp was over I was leaving, moving, and no longer leading.
This year its almost the opposite. I don't know any of the girls that I am going with, and instead of leaving after camp I am diving head first into head leading with Brandon-my soon to be husband.
To say that there are a lot of different emotions would be an understatement.
the first being that in less than 3 weeks I will be married! gosh-that to me is un-believable. and there is still quit a bit to be done(eekk).
I can always tell when camp is coming up because its like I am weighted down by something-like the enemy is trying to suck life out of me...a little dramatic but its feels pretty real to me. paper work, money, drivers, it all seems like the biggest deal in the world, until you arrive at camp. and then the chaos begins.
Another really exciting thing is that Brandon and I will be leading together at Lost Canyon this year, and exactly 2 years ago we met at Lost Canyon.
Jesus is so good!
Keep Los Alamos in your prayers, the leaders, campers, and our time there. That Jesus would be seen every where, and that as leaders would would know what to say, and when to say it.
I also found this pretty awesome website.
If you don't know about young life you should check it out.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Arizona girl. boo-ya
It has been far too long since my last post.
I think that I may say that more often than not.
well I am currently a resident of New mexico. (kinda?)
Woah, that is a little strange to me.
I am living at Brandons dad's house until we get married ( why yes I am like a little child with no home.... all of my things are at Brandons house, and I am living here. I have had this feeling for the past month of so. And its going to be so stinkin nice to be able to cozy up in my own home with my sweet husband.)
But if I am being completely honest it just feels like I am visiting once again, and I will soon be leaving to go back home.
And I really don't know when it is going to hit me, that new mexico is my home...
For some reason now that I am not living in Arizona I am much more proud to call myself an Arizona girl.
I feel like I have this hug concrete wall holding back all of this water (my emotions) just waiting to crack and explode.
I have been waiting for this "moment" since Brandon and I got engaged, and it still hasn'thit me.
I have had a few moments(both of which were spent with my sweet mama crying, telling her my fears and excitement in being a wife, moving, and all of this change) but it just feels like a tiny leak of water in what I expect to come. It is a little scary to me that my normal support system, and the people I usually run to when this happens are 8 hours away. frik.
Some times I have these moment of "oh gosh, did I loose my soft hard? is it all hardened up...have I lost my ability to cry?" which then I feel like God does a little giggle, and says "oh sweet girl..don't you worry" then a few short hours later I am crying about something.
Right now I feel like I have a very large list of things to do in a pretty short time period.
Our house currently looks like a war zone, dishes every where mud on the floor from Cash( our dog) and boxes every where. and I literally mean everywhere. including the bathroom, on the beds, and ALL over the living room. A friend came over today and there wasn't any where to sit in the house... Lame?
Its time to start un-packing.
so far this is what I have done, opened a box looked at whats inside and folded it back up and pushed it to the side.
this has gotten me no where.
well it just leads to more crap every where.
I will be blogging more frequently, I feel like it a little way to help me make sense of all of this change, and update the dear ones I love on how all of this transition is going.
I think that I may say that more often than not.
well I am currently a resident of New mexico. (kinda?)
Woah, that is a little strange to me.
I am living at Brandons dad's house until we get married ( why yes I am like a little child with no home.... all of my things are at Brandons house, and I am living here. I have had this feeling for the past month of so. And its going to be so stinkin nice to be able to cozy up in my own home with my sweet husband.)
But if I am being completely honest it just feels like I am visiting once again, and I will soon be leaving to go back home.
And I really don't know when it is going to hit me, that new mexico is my home...
For some reason now that I am not living in Arizona I am much more proud to call myself an Arizona girl.
I feel like I have this hug concrete wall holding back all of this water (my emotions) just waiting to crack and explode.
I have been waiting for this "moment" since Brandon and I got engaged, and it still hasn't
I have had a few moments(both of which were spent with my sweet mama crying, telling her my fears and excitement in being a wife, moving, and all of this change) but it just feels like a tiny leak of water in what I expect to come. It is a little scary to me that my normal support system, and the people I usually run to when this happens are 8 hours away. frik.
Some times I have these moment of "oh gosh, did I loose my soft hard? is it all hardened up...have I lost my ability to cry?" which then I feel like God does a little giggle, and says "oh sweet girl..don't you worry" then a few short hours later I am crying about something.
Right now I feel like I have a very large list of things to do in a pretty short time period.
Our house currently looks like a war zone, dishes every where mud on the floor from Cash( our dog) and boxes every where. and I literally mean everywhere. including the bathroom, on the beds, and ALL over the living room. A friend came over today and there wasn't any where to sit in the house... Lame?
Its time to start un-packing.
so far this is what I have done, opened a box looked at whats inside and folded it back up and pushed it to the side.
this has gotten me no where.
well it just leads to more crap every where.
I will be blogging more frequently, I feel like it a little way to help me make sense of all of this change, and update the dear ones I love on how all of this transition is going.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
not so great at goodbyes...
I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the wedding invitations. I have been checking the ups tracking information for the past hour, hoping that it will say "delivered" but instead it just sat "out for delivery" since 5 am.
I should be studying... I have been for the past hour or so, and then I got sucked into stumble upon, and found so many glorious DIY ideas. and then I just threw studying to the wind.
I only have 7 days left living in Flagstaff. and that to me is very strange. I know that things are going to change. so much is going to change...for starters in less than 2 months I will be married. and I am SO thankful that the Lord has blessed Brandon and I to this point where we will become one.
But I will say this, its going to be a emotional process.
Already the water works are coming. and its not slowly, just all at once this overwhelming feeling will hit me and the tears start coming.
For starters I was going on a wonderful random walk with Kaley (we were going to go scope out the furniture that our neighbors threw out...you find some pretty sweet things) and it turned into a pretty long walk. Which is always needed. Kaley and I are pretty much the same person... people ask if were sister almost every time we go some where together. and its fantastic...because she is a babe!
but we are walking just talking like we always do. and it suddenly hits me that this may be one of the last times we go on a random walk. this may be the last time where I get the much needed love and encouragement that I need, and hear the exact words that I need to hear from her. She knows me well, and can always call me out. which is so great.
then I am wanting to tell her how thankful I am for her.
Instead I am just blubbering, with tears running down my face, and the ugly chin thing that happens when you cry really hard. and all I can get out is " i just want you to know that I really love you." pft. lameo.
what I really want to say is this:
thank you for all of the late night talks. The nights when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and flip off the world, thanks for being the one that lays next to me and cries.and says that its okay to to be upset. and my feelings are justified. Thanks for being the one who is always there to talk me through things when Brandon and I got into an argument. Thank you for being Jesus to me when I needed it most. thanks for loving me, and thanks for being who you are. I am thankful for the last year, and the precious time we got to spend together. it makes me happy that in this past year we have only gone without talking for 5 days. I love the random moments...us trying to lay in a hammock together, eating way to much junk food, and smoking our girly cigars when sometimes we just need to have one of those nights. Where we are brutally honest and the other doesn't think any less of them. I am glad that I can tell you all the crap that I am really feeling and you don't think less of me for some things I say. My heart is sad to think that in less than a week I wont be able to walk into your room with tears in my eyes and just dump all of the crap thats going on, and just have you sit in the bathroom while we hash through the stuff.and even when the really exciting things happen I wont be able to give you a big hug. As I write this I am trying to keep my crap together, because I am well aware that I look like a fool sitting in a coffee shop while there are tears rolling down my face. but I am beyond the point of caring.
This past year wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you so dearly. and I am thankful for Jesus putting us together, in our house, and randomly at Woodleaf.
I think that it would be okay if our last departure would be from a bathroom crying. considering thats where it all began.
love you sweet Kaley.
I should be studying... I have been for the past hour or so, and then I got sucked into stumble upon, and found so many glorious DIY ideas. and then I just threw studying to the wind.
I only have 7 days left living in Flagstaff. and that to me is very strange. I know that things are going to change. so much is going to change...for starters in less than 2 months I will be married. and I am SO thankful that the Lord has blessed Brandon and I to this point where we will become one.
But I will say this, its going to be a emotional process.
Already the water works are coming. and its not slowly, just all at once this overwhelming feeling will hit me and the tears start coming.
For starters I was going on a wonderful random walk with Kaley (we were going to go scope out the furniture that our neighbors threw out...you find some pretty sweet things) and it turned into a pretty long walk. Which is always needed. Kaley and I are pretty much the same person... people ask if were sister almost every time we go some where together. and its fantastic...because she is a babe!
but we are walking just talking like we always do. and it suddenly hits me that this may be one of the last times we go on a random walk. this may be the last time where I get the much needed love and encouragement that I need, and hear the exact words that I need to hear from her. She knows me well, and can always call me out. which is so great.
then I am wanting to tell her how thankful I am for her.
Instead I am just blubbering, with tears running down my face, and the ugly chin thing that happens when you cry really hard. and all I can get out is " i just want you to know that I really love you." pft. lameo.
what I really want to say is this:
thank you for all of the late night talks. The nights when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and flip off the world, thanks for being the one that lays next to me and cries.and says that its okay to to be upset. and my feelings are justified. Thanks for being the one who is always there to talk me through things when Brandon and I got into an argument. Thank you for being Jesus to me when I needed it most. thanks for loving me, and thanks for being who you are. I am thankful for the last year, and the precious time we got to spend together. it makes me happy that in this past year we have only gone without talking for 5 days. I love the random moments...us trying to lay in a hammock together, eating way to much junk food, and smoking our girly cigars when sometimes we just need to have one of those nights. Where we are brutally honest and the other doesn't think any less of them. I am glad that I can tell you all the crap that I am really feeling and you don't think less of me for some things I say. My heart is sad to think that in less than a week I wont be able to walk into your room with tears in my eyes and just dump all of the crap thats going on, and just have you sit in the bathroom while we hash through the stuff.and even when the really exciting things happen I wont be able to give you a big hug. As I write this I am trying to keep my crap together, because I am well aware that I look like a fool sitting in a coffee shop while there are tears rolling down my face. but I am beyond the point of caring.
This past year wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you so dearly. and I am thankful for Jesus putting us together, in our house, and randomly at Woodleaf.
I think that it would be okay if our last departure would be from a bathroom crying. considering thats where it all began.
love you sweet Kaley.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Part 6
I knew that I had officially loved Brandon when...well there wasn't actually a moment of "yes... I do indeed love him".I guess it was just a progression of feelings. Now very quickly Brandon became one of my favorite people to be around. You know when you meet people and you are just drawn to them? well thats a pretty safe way to define how I felt about him. I was drawn to him. There were a few different reasons- His love for Jesus is SO contagious.He is a fantastic leader in our relationship. How he isn't like every other guy. Literally Brandon is one of a kind. How he pursued me in pretty unique ways. His corky sense of humor(sometimes I may be the only one laughing.. love you dear! =) and his killer eyes...have you seen them? man- when we first met we were walking around at lost Canyon and I said "you have wonderful eyes" he responded with "yeah I hear that sometimes" so cute!
I guess one of the big things was when I was talking to my little brother about a girl, and he was telling me how much he cared for her. this is how I responded.
"Buddy I know right now this girl seems like it. like the only one you could ever care about.... But when I was on work crew for the first time I met this guy and his name was Jacob*(changed his name...but if he read this he would pick up very fast that this was about him...) and he was so great. I was convinced that THIS was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I though that he was the best thing ever! that anything he did was the smartest and best thing ever. Literally I though that no guy could every be better than Jacob. and then I met Brandon. and it is safe to say that Brandon surpasses Jacob 50 times. Literally Jacob isn't half the man that Brandon is. I want you to hold out for that. Really Bud you will meet someone who is 50 times better than her. I promise."
That was a big moment for me. I had always known that Brandon was different. but I guess that was when I realized wow, this guy has my heart. and I am pretty sure I am going to marry him.
From here on we started looking into the possibility of me moving. to New Mexico.
But I didn't want to move out there and not be engaged. I feel like it goes hand in hand for long distance relationships.
I distinctly remember when we talked about this. We were driving to Nanas house, and it was dark out. and we were talking about what would happen if I moved, what it would look like, or if its even a possibility. and Brandon said I want to be engaged shortly after you move here. my stomach got butterflies instantly. ahhh what an exciting time. this was the weekend where we went up to the mountains and took some pictures, and a video. He ended up using these in his proposal.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Let's dream together
Lately I have been dreaming. It's a fun thing to do especially with people. A few years ago a dear friend of mine said" let's dream together." That's how passion begins..dreaming something up. It creates, hope, a hunger, and passion. It creates relationships, it created Kingman Young Life. It helps make us who we are. I dream of the future, sometimes its "oh, if only I do this 1 thing", or if only I worked out more, read a little more, dig deeper in those relationships. Now my dreaming consist of what the married life is going to be. In only 2 1/2 short months. What my community in Los Alamos will look like. Finally leading again. I dream of someday writing a book. I don't know about what, and I don't know if it can ever happen. But I can dream. I dream of people being inspires by this book I may someday write. This will be a book that people recommend to another. and there on the back will be a picture of me next to the about the author. It will be a picture of me and my husband and my kids.
I dream of what my life In Los Alamos will look like.
waking up every morning with my bare feet steeping into the cold hard wood floors, walking downstairs, grabbing a mug filling it up with coffee and creamer then snuggling up next to my husband. We will sit there and just look out the window together, and just be for those few minutes before our day becomes crazy. He will leave for work then I will make my way into the kitchen plop down into a chair pull out my bible and read read, and then start my day. I will grab Cash (our soon to be golden retriever who we are going to rename Jake...) Then go on a nice long walk together. He will be my buddy during the day. Then school, maybe work, young life, or whatever that day may hold.
It seems very easy for me to dream up what my mornings will look like.not too sure why.
I dream of Leading again, Having sweet passionate friendships with those beautiful girls. my heart aches to lead again. I dream of our home being a safe place. Where any of our young life kids can come over, any time. Just to hang out, or when they had that really hard day. That they will feel safe there, that conversations will be started .
I dream of our home being used for ministry.
I dream of what life will look like when I no longer have to say good-bye to the man who I have come to love so deeply,
and being Mrs.Stone.
Christian Marie Stone. its goes great doesn't it?
my wedding, of course I dream about it, the way Brandon will look at me while I walk down the isle to him. People will say it was the most beautiful wedding they have ever seen.
I dream about the moment when Brandon and I find out we are having a baby. that we created life.
There are lots of things to dream about.
be passionate about something.
follow what you think your called to do, even if it may not be the best plan.
Jesus wants nothing but beautiful things for us.
Trust that.
I am speaking to myself what I say all of this stuff.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
2 wisdom teeth..gone.
I would love to find an outfit similar to this, I mean it would look adorable in Ireland right?
This is such a powerful blog. I am very excited to read his book once Jonathan is done reading it.
Here is out official wedding blog...check it out=)
I really love the idea of people using lavender in their flowers
I cannot stop thinking about making this for lunch, but instead I am constantly eating apple sauce, and soup. Thanks wisdom teeth.
Friends is on, and its time to go eat some more apple sauce.
have a beautiful day.
Friends is on, and its time to go eat some more apple sauce.
have a beautiful day.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
Wedding planning has been going great. everyone keeps saying that its going to be so stressful, and honestly that hasn't hit me yet.
the only thing that seems to be difficult is figuring out school.
I have had this idea of what I wanted to be for a while, as in more than 8 years. and while pursuing and trying to figure out what next year will look like school with look like it was no longer a option.
So I am now in a position where I am changing my major... as in I wont be a teacher any more.
Its safe to say that I have been VERY emotional. thank you Jesus for Brandon's sweet understanding.
and while talking with sweet Erin, she had said :
Christian there are 3 HUGE life changing things that are going to happen,1. you are getting married. 2.you are planing a wedding 3. you are moving far away from your family. This is a very emotional time for you, you emotions are justified.
whew.
its okay to be a hot mess every once in a while ( how about every other week? that is what its been lately)
I have been on a emotional roller coaster with school.
what should I do?
should I take a semester off to think about it?
what if I don't want to go back?
what do I love to do?
what is God teaching me?
where do I move from here?
I know that God is sovereign. and that He knows the plans that He has for me. The journey getting there is just hard. not setting my heart on something, because well New mexico has different standards in EVERYTHING. Or I don't have the right classes, or I don't want to be a math major, or, or, or. so many hoops.
I just want to be closer, closer to the person God wants me to be, closer to Jesus. Closer to loving like I'm suppose too.
Prayers are greatly appreciated.
Every day I change my mind on what I want to do, its kinda funny, and emotionally draining.
through the tough stuff
After Brandon and I had talked about what our relationship was it was great. We made a point to see each other every 2 weeks. we figured that long distance was hard enough, let make it a goal to see each other. So thats what happened. 2 weeks later I flew out to Albuquerque and met Brandon at the airport. He then took me on out first official date which was beautiful. We went up to the Sandia Peaks, and ate dinner together and it was so great. The beginning of relationships are fun(not that they are not longer fun once you get to know one another) but your giddy all the time, you blush, and just are getting to know each other you start to learn about the little quirks they have, and its great.
So this was the first weekend I was meeting Brandon's family. I was very nervous. We ended up going to the mountains that weekend and rode quads for a day, and just laughed. I almost killed us while I was driving which Brandon responded with "sweetheart, you need to use the brake." haha it was very funny. We carved out initials into a huge rock, and I loved it. We still have yet to visit that rock since we carved into it.
So we continued to see each other about every two weeks and it was awesome.
Now don't think that our relationship is perfect, it had/has flaws. we are not perfect people and there were moments when I though that we were finished. There were a few as a matter of fact.
They were usually the times where we weren't seeing each other on a regular basis, or when Brandon was taking is finals, or when I was taking mine. It was when we were beyond stressed and not really knowing what to do.
We made it through. By God's will not by our own.
I was looking through one of my old journals and I wrote" Lord if this isn't what you want for me...end it now, protect out hearts, and end it. quick and painless"
There are always moments when you don't really know where to go from that point. We have had a few of those, and the only reason our relationship has survived is because of God. That was our common ground. That was where we always went back to when we strayed.
I knew that I was changing in this relationship(for the good) when Brandon and I were seriously arguing ( i would just like to add that this RARELY happens, we will argue about stupid stuff...but never like this)
and I was frustrated, and hurt, just as he was. My response to this was:
" I will talk to you later I don't want to argue. I'm going to go."
He said:
"Christian we dont just get off the phone. lets tough it out, even if it sucks we need to hash it out."
sure enough we did. and we are stronger, and closer because of it.
So this was the first weekend I was meeting Brandon's family. I was very nervous. We ended up going to the mountains that weekend and rode quads for a day, and just laughed. I almost killed us while I was driving which Brandon responded with "sweetheart, you need to use the brake." haha it was very funny. We carved out initials into a huge rock, and I loved it. We still have yet to visit that rock since we carved into it.
So we continued to see each other about every two weeks and it was awesome.
Now don't think that our relationship is perfect, it had/has flaws. we are not perfect people and there were moments when I though that we were finished. There were a few as a matter of fact.
They were usually the times where we weren't seeing each other on a regular basis, or when Brandon was taking is finals, or when I was taking mine. It was when we were beyond stressed and not really knowing what to do.
We made it through. By God's will not by our own.
I was looking through one of my old journals and I wrote" Lord if this isn't what you want for me...end it now, protect out hearts, and end it. quick and painless"
There are always moments when you don't really know where to go from that point. We have had a few of those, and the only reason our relationship has survived is because of God. That was our common ground. That was where we always went back to when we strayed.
I knew that I was changing in this relationship(for the good) when Brandon and I were seriously arguing ( i would just like to add that this RARELY happens, we will argue about stupid stuff...but never like this)
and I was frustrated, and hurt, just as he was. My response to this was:
" I will talk to you later I don't want to argue. I'm going to go."
He said:
"Christian we dont just get off the phone. lets tough it out, even if it sucks we need to hash it out."
sure enough we did. and we are stronger, and closer because of it.
Friday, March 25, 2011
This is going to be a random post.
Whenever I get antsy I think if things to blog about. I am beyond antsy.
I am re-reading this book
and I am in need of celebration because lately life seems to be consisting of to-dos, school, and sleep.
it is a great book, even though some of it may be a little cheesy it is good. there were a few things I wanted to share that stuck out to me.
side note:when you are closer to being engaged, or to me married, or to start a new school you hear and read more things about that topic that you normally would. its a great thing. so she is talking about how her and her husband( married for 2 weeks) reacted when September 11th happened, and it really hit my heart.
"That's how families get made. Not by ceremonies or certificates and not by parties and celebrations. Family gets made when you decide to hold hands and sit shoulder to shoulder when it seems like the sky is falling. Family gets made when the world becomes strange and disorienting and the only face you recognize is his. Family gets made when the future obscures itself like a solar eclipse , and in the intervening darkness, you decide that no matter what happens in the night, you'll face it as one."
I thought that this was a pretty big deal. Its true, a paper doesn't make Brandon and I a family. its going to be the moments when we face the scary things together as one. when we choose to sit, hold hands, and cry. Thats whats going to make us a family.
There was another little bit that I really liked.
"After a decade of broken,painful relationships, and the scare, and heartbreak that go with them, Amy stood looking out over our city, surrounded by both families, as she married Austin, a man who is all the things she hoped for, and all the things that those men never were. Amy was a glowing bride, flushed with beauty and even more so with love. "
I am so thankful that Brandon is a man who is all the things I hoped for, and all the things that those other men never were.
if you haven't realized it yet, I am SO excited to get married. I get to marry my best friend. what should be stressful about that?
I am thinking about wearing this necklace on my wedding day, except with a "s" for Stone.
I am trying to find shoes for the wedding....seriously I have bought and returned about 8 pairs of shoes.
this seriously melts my heart, and when Brandon and I have kids...this will be happening.
I am currently sitting at a coffee shop, with 5 different travel books about Ireland, trying to figure out fun places to go, and see on out honeymoon. This looks pretty awesome.
hope your day is full of sunshine.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Part 4: DTR(define the relationship)
After Brandon left, I knew I liked him alot. and I knew something was different. This may sounds lame, and stereotypical but when you know, you know.
We continued to write each other, and still talk on the phone.
In one of his letters he mentioned that he had though about inviting me to go to Canada with him, because one of his college friends was getting married...then he went onto say that he thought it may be awkward for me, but it was something he though about. When I read that I FREAKED out. I mean...what girl wouldn't?
I was driving to phoenix with my mom and brother for the weekend and I got a text from him that said:
Canada?
and I said that I would love to go....his next question was:
Chicken or beef?
hah I thought it was funny.
little did I know he had purchased my flight out there a few weeks before he even asked me=) he was pretty confident that I would say yes. and he sure was right=)
So we are still not dating. and I was flying to Canada with this guy.... I didn't know anyone, any of his friends, the bride that was getting married. Brandon was it...and we were just friends, and he was a boy. I mean thats kinda scary!
I was SO nervous to see him again, my heart was beating so fast that I could hear it, and I though the guy sitting next to me could also.
sidenote: I packed WAY to much stuff. I was nervous and didn't know what I would need to wear. so I brought 2 suitcases....for 3 days. gosh thats a tad ridiculous.
The moment I saw him, all of that went away. I still had butterflies because it was Brandon, and he has killer eyes, and is so cute! but the fear went away.
so I meet his friends and it was great. Shout out to Kevin Kanzelmeyer, he was the first one of Brandons friends to pursue me. not in a weird way, but just get to know me.
I had met Jordan, who was getting married...but I mean I am sure he had much more on his mind other than his friends new girl. so this is in no way a put down to the other guys...trust me they are all stinkin awesome!
but Kevin thanks, for being the one to ask me questions. you have no idea how nervous I was.
so after this things got weird, I got asked twice if Brandon and I were engaged(awkward)... and then stayed at Erins house(the bride...side note she is in my wedding! Erin and I became close after out interactions became more common) and shout out to Erins sweet family. Who seriously welcomed me with open arms. her mom and sister are such great people! They are just so full of love.
but the next day was awesome we went sailing, which was beautiful and just enjoyed the company that we were with. then Brandon and I decided to go swimming. It was just him and I everyone else had gone somewhere else. I figured that I should bring up this whole weird thing that was going on.
so I had though about what I might say over and over again. when I actually said it, it sounded nothing like what I had planned.
We were about to get in and Brandon picked me up and jumped in the pool, it was cold. so then we laid on the deck and just talked. Perfect opportunity.
So I said "Brandon, what is this? what are we?"
then once that was out we were good... we then talked about how he had been wanting to bring it up, and didnt really know how to and how he wanted to pursue me in a Godly way, and wanted to do out relationship right. so thats when we had out DTR. He did like me.
That weekend was one of my favorites, we danced, laughed, made jokes, barely slept at all ,had out first kiss and just wanted to be by each other. we were drawn to each other. and it was so great.
So that was the start.
we were now official.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Part 3
So at this point in our friendship I knew something was different about him* . So I was working at a pharmacy in Kingman ( I worked there for 2 years). Brandon and I would text every now and then...nothing too much. but I sent him a text that said(well something along these lines) "going into work, hope your day is great. would love to chat later tonight if you want... I get off at 9."
I ended up getting out a few minutes early(thank the lord) and Brandon called at 9 right on the dot.
to say I had butterflies would be an understatement.
we chatted, and it was great.
From that point on we still wrote letters, and talked once a week... on Sunday nights. it was like our little"lets recap our weeks, and hear how its going" chats.
I had a FAT crush on him. and to be completely honest I didn't think he liked me at all.
I got a letter from him one week and the last line of it said" I've been thinking about visiting Arizona seeing the grand canyon, hit up Sedona & I have friday off ...wanna hang out?"
at this point I am jumping up and down squealing, and re-reading it over and over while calling my friends.
So he comes out for the weekend and I meet him in Flagstaff.
Rebekah (who is a bridesmaid in the wedding, and who was there when we met at lost canyon) was with me and we were meeting him at a restaurant. I was so nervous I couldn't contain myself. Bekah and I ended up praying that this would be a great weekend, and my nerves would calm. Then he walked around the corner.
gosh he was so cute! I can still see him in my mind..
now this is the first time we are seeing each other, we had just written back and fourth, and casually talked on the phone.
there was a bit of pressure.
It was a great weekend, we saw the sunrise and the grand canyon, went to the creek in Sedona, went para-sailing in Lake Havasu, he met my family, and we just got to know one another.
Still I didn't think he liked me...
he didn't try to hold my hand or hug me
he didn't tell me that he liked me
he didn't tell me I was cute/pretty/beautiful
he wasn't doing what other guys do when they like girls.
and for that I am thankful.
 |
| This is us watching the sunrise at the Grand Canyon |
*rewind a bit & Brandon and I were still writing each other letters and 1 week he was a "the lake house" (which I would later that following year attend the lake house...you may not think its a big deal. but it is! ) during that week he was there one of my best friends growing up was killed, (want to know more? read here) I didn't know if I should call Brandon, text him, or what... The only thing I did know was that I wanted to talk to him(turns out there isn't service so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.) but he got home the day after Ariel died and sent me a text that said "trusting that your week was good, or I would have heard other wise" and he had NO idea what had happened. I knew then that there was something different.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Part 2: letters
So the first time I met Brandon I think that it's safe to say I seriously wasn't looking. I was actually pretty weirded out.... I was working on the zip line on that day of welcome at camp. When this guy came up to me put a cowboy hat on my head and asked me to hold it.( if were being honest I don't remember him doing this...I just remember some super random guy put a cowboy hat on me. Brandon is the one who told me it was actually him) I then awkwardly wore this hat(after I asked Lexi if this was totally weird) until they came down the zip line, gathered their belongings, and went on their way. Later that night I was sitting in the deck outside of the dinning room and was talking to my friend lexi and was saying how I really wanted to travel and see the world. Brandon was casually listening to my conversation and spoke up and said "oh I have traveled, I back packed across Europe for 6 weeks" it was history from there.
well kinda...we spent that week doing what were at camp for, me serving on the ropes course, and him leading his young life guys. but in between that we just got to know one another. They(brandon and his guys) would come and sit where I was working for a few hours a day and just chat. I learned a lot about Brandon in that week. You can learn alot about someone when you can watch them lead their kids.
And whether I knew it or not, I was beginning to fall in love with his heart, his heart for ministry, and how innocent our relationship started out. He left that week of camp without my number, with out a goodbye hug, and with just a "see ya later" .
two days later I received a letter.
This started a serious of letters that I eagerly awaited. While I would be working at the zip line lexi and I would each take turns running up to check the mail, and if their was a letter we would each let out a really high pitched squeal, and then read it over and over again.
To this day you can read me a line from a letter, and I will know what was going on at that time in my life, or where it was written from. I cherish those letters, and always will. they are so dear to my heart.
This was the best thing we could have done. It was a sincere "lets just get to know one another"
We wrote each other back and fourth for a few months, then it would be a casual text, and then a phone call. I remember the first time we talked on the phone, I was so nervous I had topics written down....
well kinda...we spent that week doing what were at camp for, me serving on the ropes course, and him leading his young life guys. but in between that we just got to know one another. They(brandon and his guys) would come and sit where I was working for a few hours a day and just chat. I learned a lot about Brandon in that week. You can learn alot about someone when you can watch them lead their kids.
And whether I knew it or not, I was beginning to fall in love with his heart, his heart for ministry, and how innocent our relationship started out. He left that week of camp without my number, with out a goodbye hug, and with just a "see ya later" .
two days later I received a letter.
This started a serious of letters that I eagerly awaited. While I would be working at the zip line lexi and I would each take turns running up to check the mail, and if their was a letter we would each let out a really high pitched squeal, and then read it over and over again.
To this day you can read me a line from a letter, and I will know what was going on at that time in my life, or where it was written from. I cherish those letters, and always will. they are so dear to my heart.
This was the best thing we could have done. It was a sincere "lets just get to know one another"
We wrote each other back and fourth for a few months, then it would be a casual text, and then a phone call. I remember the first time we talked on the phone, I was so nervous I had topics written down....
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Part 1:Loving myself
I know its been a while but I think that this may be the first time I have actually had a little while to just sit, and kinda be. so I decided I am LONG over do for a blog post.
So if you already didn't know but I am officially engaged. I don't think that it has really hit me yet.Yes everyone keeps saying "oh congrats!" and I cannot stop smiling... and Brandon and I are planning out little hearts out...but every time I look at my left hand I forget that there is a beautiful ring on my finger.
I just want to say that I am completely overwhelmed with so many different emotions
the first and most exciting is that I get to marry my favorite person in the world. and I still cannot believe that it is all happening. Brandon is by far one of the best things that has happened to me. For those of you that are not engaged...hold out. and hang on...there IS going to be the most amazing man in the world(who is far greater than you could EVER imagine) who is going to be head over heels for you, and someday ask for your hand in marriage.
I would like to say that it is by the grace of God that we are here, preparing our lives together.
It is not by our own doing that we are here, It is the will of God. and I am so thankful for that.
As I look back on my life over the past 2 years I am reminded of different emotions.
About 2 years ago I was working at Lost Canyon(Young Life camp in Williams AZ) and I was talking with a girl who has just gotten engaged. I was asking her how it happened,the date... and then I asked something that would truly begin to shape my journey over the next two years. I asked: "how did it feel to have someone ask you to spend the rest of your life with them? I couldn't even imagine someone asking me that." That was the start of a journey to salvage my self worth. You see I was really good at loving people...not so much myself. It was a journey of prayer, tears, and lots of figuring stuff out. Once I had become okay and trusted Jesus that I really do deserved to be loved that was He wants me to be pursued... Two days later I met Brandon.
and thats where I journey began.
I am going to continue blogging on how our relationship grew from there. But there is just the beginning=)
So if you already didn't know but I am officially engaged. I don't think that it has really hit me yet.Yes everyone keeps saying "oh congrats!" and I cannot stop smiling... and Brandon and I are planning out little hearts out...but every time I look at my left hand I forget that there is a beautiful ring on my finger.
I just want to say that I am completely overwhelmed with so many different emotions
the first and most exciting is that I get to marry my favorite person in the world. and I still cannot believe that it is all happening. Brandon is by far one of the best things that has happened to me. For those of you that are not engaged...hold out. and hang on...there IS going to be the most amazing man in the world(who is far greater than you could EVER imagine) who is going to be head over heels for you, and someday ask for your hand in marriage.
I would like to say that it is by the grace of God that we are here, preparing our lives together.
It is not by our own doing that we are here, It is the will of God. and I am so thankful for that.
As I look back on my life over the past 2 years I am reminded of different emotions.
About 2 years ago I was working at Lost Canyon(Young Life camp in Williams AZ) and I was talking with a girl who has just gotten engaged. I was asking her how it happened,the date... and then I asked something that would truly begin to shape my journey over the next two years. I asked: "how did it feel to have someone ask you to spend the rest of your life with them? I couldn't even imagine someone asking me that." That was the start of a journey to salvage my self worth. You see I was really good at loving people...not so much myself. It was a journey of prayer, tears, and lots of figuring stuff out. Once I had become okay and trusted Jesus that I really do deserved to be loved that was He wants me to be pursued... Two days later I met Brandon.
and thats where I journey began.
I am going to continue blogging on how our relationship grew from there. But there is just the beginning=)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
oh Lord.
I am in Albuquerque and I am a little lost.
I am here to meet with an advisor at UNM and plan my life next few semesters of school.
Do you ever go to places and feel like you are completely out of place and people can take 1 look at you and know that you don't belong?
yup.
thats how I feel.
maybe its the warm weather, and I am wearing winter clothes.( I will be going to my car and changing) ...maybe its that I am not sure if I parked some where legal.Maybe its because everyone in here seems 10 times cooler than me. Maybe its that I have no flipping idea where I am.
its a coffee shop.
thats all I know.
And to be honest I HATE meeting with advisors.
I am not sure why but there is just something that rubs me the wrong way.
I think they should have a get to know you session. ha- you know like "lets talk about what you love to do, what are your passions"
instead of...."have a seat, what classes do you want to take? you want to be a teacher? really?"
gosh...
here we go.
Jesus. you know me and my heart. guide me. and please help me not look like a fool.
Monday, February 14, 2011
You're Beautiful
I am studying and some how get a little distracted.
things that made my heart leap:
the nice weather out. oh bike how I have missed you.
having lunch with sweet Kaley
The adorable old couple that are sitting not too far from me sharing a doughnut and reading books. (the husband walked over and said" happy Valentines day love. You are just as beautiful as the day I met you." awwwwwww. my heart is on the ground , I am looking forward to doing that when I am old and married. drinking coffee and sharing doughnuts and reading books together)
This video.
& seeing a guy riding a bike with daisies in his backpack.
have a beautiful day.
tell someone that you think they are beautiful. and why you love them. It will be sure to put a smile on their face.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Your grace is sufficient
I am sitting in a book store with the snow falling just a few feet away, and a delicious fruity hot tea at hand.
I may or may not of had a hard time driving this morning....
(I will say this, growing up with 0 snow makes snow THAT much more exciting...except when your sliding down the hill outside of your house and you can just muster out a quick prayer "Oh Jesus please don't let me hit that tree".)
But I really do love these cozy days.
I am currently taking a yoga class.... haha yes.
and it is so great! (minus the weird things that the teacher may say...) I have made it a goal of mine to let that time while I am sitting there, staring out those 2 huge glass walls that look out onto beautiful trees to have that be sweet Jesus time.
To really meditate on a verse, kind ignore what the teacher says(about karma& letting go of it, and let your spirit guide you... ) Today the verse that I mediated on is this. ( I will most likely meditate on it in the next few classes too)
She is clothed in strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25
If you read all of proverbs 31 and your a woman....you WILL feel inspired.
Inspired to be like the wife that is talked about.
It says that she is worth more than rubies.
READ IT.
My teacher also told us to think of words while we inhale and exhale( if you have ever taken a yoga class alot of it is breathing....) She suggested some pretty hippie ones, being one with the earth... hah it is pretty funny.
But mine was Grace.
Inhale exhale....Grace.
It was a good morning thanks to Jesus.
and I could dig this.
I may or may not of had a hard time driving this morning....
(I will say this, growing up with 0 snow makes snow THAT much more exciting...except when your sliding down the hill outside of your house and you can just muster out a quick prayer "Oh Jesus please don't let me hit that tree".)
But I really do love these cozy days.
I am currently taking a yoga class.... haha yes.
and it is so great! (minus the weird things that the teacher may say...) I have made it a goal of mine to let that time while I am sitting there, staring out those 2 huge glass walls that look out onto beautiful trees to have that be sweet Jesus time.
To really meditate on a verse, kind ignore what the teacher says(about karma& letting go of it, and let your spirit guide you... ) Today the verse that I mediated on is this. ( I will most likely meditate on it in the next few classes too)
She is clothed in strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25
If you read all of proverbs 31 and your a woman....you WILL feel inspired.
Inspired to be like the wife that is talked about.
It says that she is worth more than rubies.
READ IT.
My teacher also told us to think of words while we inhale and exhale( if you have ever taken a yoga class alot of it is breathing....) She suggested some pretty hippie ones, being one with the earth... hah it is pretty funny.
But mine was Grace.
Inhale exhale....Grace.
It was a good morning thanks to Jesus.
and I could dig this.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
By the grace of God I am what I am- 1 Corinthians 15:10
I have been itching to blog for the past few days.
I am currently reading this fantastic book by Beth Moore.
It rocks me alot.
I would just like to say this books has done alot for me.
It has shown me areas where I need to grow, what I need to let go of and PRAISE JESUS
I am not the only girl who feels insecure.
I have been highlighting, and underlining this book over and over again.
I would like to share just a few with you:
" In other words the more tender hearted we are the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be. Some people take things harder and deeper to heart than others. It's not a matter of weakness. It's a matter of personal sensitivity. "
"I'm afraid I will get bitten. God gave me this tender heart and though I want to give up my chronic insecurity I really do want to hang onto my heart. When I don't feel something It's like being dead"
This one really shook me:
"Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss. Insecure people are always afraid that something or somebody is going to be taken from them"
Now if that doesn't smack me right in the face I am not sure what else will.
SO to put a title on my last post about fear that something was going to happen to Brandon.
Yup. Insecurity.
Not to say that I am completely free of insecurities, but I feel like I have come to the point where I am better than when I started.
The fear doesn't have a hold. ( as of right now...you know how those insecurities sneak up on us, tap us on the shoulder and pretend to be a comfort. bull crap.)
On another note.....
I am feeling like I could just sit and people watch for a few hours.
I am wishing I could see this guys this weekend:
I am excited to see this concert with my brother.
I may or may not be obsessed with this blog.
I have a few ideas as to when I can use this fantastic photographer.
Oh I had a fantastic weekend snowboarding with these fantastic people.
I am SO thankful I found sweet girls who were at the same level as me(yay!)
I seriously cannot wait to lead in LA! Its going to be so great!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Dear sweet YL girls,
I have recently discovered how meaningful you truly are to me. Through the rough days, and tired mornings, You have shown me Jesus. Even though you may or may not know Him. You have shown me a little bit of who He is.
I know that you are in high school, But I want to thank you for allowing me into your life. For asking me questions, for calling, for being who you are. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to serve you. Which is disguised as late night phone calls,dance parties, tearful conversations, and many many coffee dates. How I have cherished those memories of everything we have all done together.
As a leader I never really expect to get much out of camp...just because I have heard the message quite a few times. but this time was completely different. It was because of you that it was different.
As I went into this week of camp...there was a lot of stress behind it. But all of those stressful moments were washed away the second we stepped out of our cars and were greeted by high school and college aged kids welcoming us with big grins, loud voices and even bigger hearts. The look on your face will forever be etched in my heart.
while you were nervous to go to camp, I was also nervous, Although it may not have seemed like it this was my first time doing this all by myself.
Having a conversation with one of you a few weeks before camp you had watched this video, you nervously asked me..." Is that what camp is really about??" I answered you with tears coming and said yes. It is all about you.
Little did you know how much your heart was going to change.
Little did you know with each club talk you were slowly beginning to understand, and with each cabin time your walls were being broken down.
Little did you know that work crew and summer staff were praying over your name, every hour for 24 hours.
How my heart broke hearing your worst day. How much my heart rejoiced as we sat and prayed for Jesus to come into your heart with shaky hands and shaky voice and tears rolling down out faces. The Angels were rejoicing. They were so excited that you decided to come home. I feel so honored that I was able to witness that.
On our last day there I woke you all up very early...too early for your liking. I didn't tell you what time, I just said to grab your blankets we were going somewhere. (which you all responded with "will there be boys? last time you did this there were boys and we were wearing sweats...thats not okay" haha you guys were so funny) I responded with "Yes the last time I kinda tricked you...but this is different trust me no boys will be there."
This time of camp was different. because I was the only girl leader. I chose how I did cabin time, what we did and didn't do. I loved being able to use all that I had learned(good and bad) from the previous years and put it to good use.
So we all walk out side with our blankets wrapped tightly around us the sun slowly rising and sat in a circle with a ball of yarn in the middle.
I wanted us to have about an hour to tell each other what we love about the people who were sitting with us. Through all of it I was on the verge of sobbing. Because this was going to be my last Kingman young life camp. A thought I shuddered at.
Here we are with that experience 6 months behind us, but still as I write this tears come to my eyes with the impression you have left on me.
I am nervous to begin leading else where because of how you all hold a place in mt heart. Nervous that I wont have relationships with them like I did with you. But that nervousness has been put to rest with this thought ringing in my head.
"all you need to do is show up.Jesus does the rest"
Walking away was hard for me, and still sometimes I wonder why I had to move away and finish college(ha)
but as I listen to Amazing grace by Shawn Mcdonald I am realizing that my time there was planned. God knew I would be leading there, even though I am broken.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind but now I see.
He knew all of it from the begging.
Thank you for being you. and changing my heart.
How I long for the day we will all be reunited.
with my whole heart,
Christian
I know that you are in high school, But I want to thank you for allowing me into your life. For asking me questions, for calling, for being who you are. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to serve you. Which is disguised as late night phone calls,dance parties, tearful conversations, and many many coffee dates. How I have cherished those memories of everything we have all done together.
As a leader I never really expect to get much out of camp...just because I have heard the message quite a few times. but this time was completely different. It was because of you that it was different.
As I went into this week of camp...there was a lot of stress behind it. But all of those stressful moments were washed away the second we stepped out of our cars and were greeted by high school and college aged kids welcoming us with big grins, loud voices and even bigger hearts. The look on your face will forever be etched in my heart.
while you were nervous to go to camp, I was also nervous, Although it may not have seemed like it this was my first time doing this all by myself.
Having a conversation with one of you a few weeks before camp you had watched this video, you nervously asked me..." Is that what camp is really about??" I answered you with tears coming and said yes. It is all about you.
Little did you know how much your heart was going to change.
Little did you know with each club talk you were slowly beginning to understand, and with each cabin time your walls were being broken down.
Little did you know that work crew and summer staff were praying over your name, every hour for 24 hours.
How my heart broke hearing your worst day. How much my heart rejoiced as we sat and prayed for Jesus to come into your heart with shaky hands and shaky voice and tears rolling down out faces. The Angels were rejoicing. They were so excited that you decided to come home. I feel so honored that I was able to witness that.
On our last day there I woke you all up very early...too early for your liking. I didn't tell you what time, I just said to grab your blankets we were going somewhere. (which you all responded with "will there be boys? last time you did this there were boys and we were wearing sweats...thats not okay" haha you guys were so funny) I responded with "Yes the last time I kinda tricked you...but this is different trust me no boys will be there."
This time of camp was different. because I was the only girl leader. I chose how I did cabin time, what we did and didn't do. I loved being able to use all that I had learned(good and bad) from the previous years and put it to good use.
So we all walk out side with our blankets wrapped tightly around us the sun slowly rising and sat in a circle with a ball of yarn in the middle.
I wanted us to have about an hour to tell each other what we love about the people who were sitting with us. Through all of it I was on the verge of sobbing. Because this was going to be my last Kingman young life camp. A thought I shuddered at.
Here we are with that experience 6 months behind us, but still as I write this tears come to my eyes with the impression you have left on me.
I am nervous to begin leading else where because of how you all hold a place in mt heart. Nervous that I wont have relationships with them like I did with you. But that nervousness has been put to rest with this thought ringing in my head.
"all you need to do is show up.Jesus does the rest"
Walking away was hard for me, and still sometimes I wonder why I had to move away and finish college(ha)
but as I listen to Amazing grace by Shawn Mcdonald I am realizing that my time there was planned. God knew I would be leading there, even though I am broken.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind but now I see.
He knew all of it from the begging.
Thank you for being you. and changing my heart.
How I long for the day we will all be reunited.
with my whole heart,
Christian
Friday, January 7, 2011
You know what I need.
I had written about 4 paragraphs about what I am feeling.and i just deleted it on accident. I think thats a sign..ha
But to recap. I am feeling weak, and isolated.
when in reality I am not lonely. I have beautiful people surrounding me.and I have Jesus.
Fear has recently entered into my life, and it will not be staying. It is an exhausting feeling. Fear. I fear the weirdest things. That Brandon will be hurt, and there wont be anything I can do. and nope. there is NOTHING I can do. except pray. and trust Jesus.
I think its good for me to be in places of utter weakness. To be reminded that I am human, I make mistakes, and worry.
I am not perfect, nor am I required to be perfect.
but Christ is perfect. and loves me even when I am crying of the stupidest things.
Lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.
I look out the window and the birds are composing not a note is out of tune, or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers. Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
why should I worry, why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need.
Your Love is, your love is, your love is strong.
Man. John Foreman gets is right.
On a different note. I have decided that I am not going to do new year resolutions.
(because anytime Ive tried I have always stopped doing them)
but instead a life change.
Here they are:
1. Spend an hour a week in solitude. Just silence by myself. praying and reading my bible.
2. Be honest; if what I am thinking and feeling isn't what I am saying...I'm not telling the truth. so whatever my heart and head feel and think. thats what I will say.
3. exercise 3 times a week.
4. wake up and think how can i die to myself today, and live for Christ.
5. Do great in school.
6. pray all the time. I want to get into the habit whenever I am going anyplace, sitting there, or what ever it is that I am doing that I would be praying. (so far so good.)
I recently started a new job. and its at a gym, and I love it. Its great. But I get to work out for free there so thats why I am trying to work out three times a week. SO yesterday was day 1 of working out. so far so good. except I think I hurt my hip. actually I am convinced that this is whats wrong with me. ahh webmb really messes with your head.
But to recap. I am feeling weak, and isolated.
when in reality I am not lonely. I have beautiful people surrounding me.and I have Jesus.
Fear has recently entered into my life, and it will not be staying. It is an exhausting feeling. Fear. I fear the weirdest things. That Brandon will be hurt, and there wont be anything I can do. and nope. there is NOTHING I can do. except pray. and trust Jesus.
I think its good for me to be in places of utter weakness. To be reminded that I am human, I make mistakes, and worry.
I am not perfect, nor am I required to be perfect.
but Christ is perfect. and loves me even when I am crying of the stupidest things.
Lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.
I look out the window and the birds are composing not a note is out of tune, or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers. Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
why should I worry, why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need.
Your Love is, your love is, your love is strong.
Man. John Foreman gets is right.
On a different note. I have decided that I am not going to do new year resolutions.
(because anytime Ive tried I have always stopped doing them)
but instead a life change.
Here they are:
1. Spend an hour a week in solitude. Just silence by myself. praying and reading my bible.
2. Be honest; if what I am thinking and feeling isn't what I am saying...I'm not telling the truth. so whatever my heart and head feel and think. thats what I will say.
3. exercise 3 times a week.
4. wake up and think how can i die to myself today, and live for Christ.
5. Do great in school.
6. pray all the time. I want to get into the habit whenever I am going anyplace, sitting there, or what ever it is that I am doing that I would be praying. (so far so good.)
I recently started a new job. and its at a gym, and I love it. Its great. But I get to work out for free there so thats why I am trying to work out three times a week. SO yesterday was day 1 of working out. so far so good. except I think I hurt my hip. actually I am convinced that this is whats wrong with me. ahh webmb really messes with your head.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2 things you told me;that you are strong and you Love me.
I am currently in Kingman, sweet old hometown. Some times it sweet, sometimes not so much. It has snowed here which is strange. It usually doesn't snow here too much. we are in the middle of 2 extreme seasons. Our winters aren't too cold, and our summers aren't too hot. Which is nice.
Lately I have had a craving for Flagstaff. The silence of snow, walking down town. Coffee shops on all different corners, great books. and listening to sweet songs that just make you want to bundle up and wander. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt7wnWrortA&feature=player_embedded#!
It reminds me of Colorado, the feeling of being all bundled and warm ,and the cold just inches from your warm body. The silence of snow. I don't know if you have ever been some where that snows a lot, but if you have you know what I mean. with those big snow flakes falling around you things are just put to silence. like you are the only one around for miles and its okay. its not an creepy eerie thing, it just that when you walk around within a few minutes your footsteps will be covered up by the new snow.
I love the analogy that says when we are forgiven we are then as white as snow. That picture is brought to life when you live somewhere that snows. (except when it gets that muck black snow.... not okay. )
Living in Flagstaff I feel so blessed by the community that is there. always there to catch you when you fall,hold you, sit with you while you cry, and pray for you. Especially my roommates. How dear they are too me. and how many times they have caught me, sat with me, and prayed with me. But it was in the middle of finals week which is pretty stressful and they decided to have a worship night. what a sweet blessing it was.
Gathered by people who you may not not but you are all worshiping the same God. We sang thing song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7YIqWzKfQ&feature=related
and since then it has been close to my heart. such a great song.
(side note I have recently become semi obsessed with John Foreman. He is fantastic....gosh so good.)
Lately I have had a craving for Flagstaff. The silence of snow, walking down town. Coffee shops on all different corners, great books. and listening to sweet songs that just make you want to bundle up and wander. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt7wnWrortA&feature=player_embedded#!
It reminds me of Colorado, the feeling of being all bundled and warm ,and the cold just inches from your warm body. The silence of snow. I don't know if you have ever been some where that snows a lot, but if you have you know what I mean. with those big snow flakes falling around you things are just put to silence. like you are the only one around for miles and its okay. its not an creepy eerie thing, it just that when you walk around within a few minutes your footsteps will be covered up by the new snow.
I love the analogy that says when we are forgiven we are then as white as snow. That picture is brought to life when you live somewhere that snows. (except when it gets that muck black snow.... not okay. )
Living in Flagstaff I feel so blessed by the community that is there. always there to catch you when you fall,hold you, sit with you while you cry, and pray for you. Especially my roommates. How dear they are too me. and how many times they have caught me, sat with me, and prayed with me. But it was in the middle of finals week which is pretty stressful and they decided to have a worship night. what a sweet blessing it was.
Gathered by people who you may not not but you are all worshiping the same God. We sang thing song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7YIqWzKfQ&feature=related
and since then it has been close to my heart. such a great song.
(side note I have recently become semi obsessed with John Foreman. He is fantastic....gosh so good.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)