You know what I need.

 I had written about 4 paragraphs about what I am feeling.and i just deleted it on accident. I think thats a sign..ha
 But to recap. I am feeling weak, and isolated.
when in reality I am not lonely. I have beautiful people surrounding me.and I have Jesus.
Fear has recently entered into my life, and it will not be staying. It is an exhausting feeling. Fear. I fear the weirdest things. That Brandon will be hurt, and there wont be anything I can do. and nope. there is NOTHING I can do. except pray. and trust Jesus.

I think its good for me to be in places of utter weakness. To be reminded that I am human, I make mistakes, and worry.
 I am not perfect, nor am I required to be perfect.
but Christ is perfect. and loves me even when I am crying of the stupidest things.
Lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.
I look out the window and the birds are composing not a note is out of tune, or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers. Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
why should I worry, why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need.
Your Love is, your love is, your love is strong. 
Man. John Foreman gets is right.

On a different note. I have decided that I am not going to do new year resolutions.
(because anytime Ive tried I have always stopped doing them)
but instead a life change.
Here they are:
1. Spend an hour a week in solitude. Just silence by myself. praying and reading my bible.
2. Be honest; if what I am thinking and feeling isn't what I am saying...I'm not telling the truth. so whatever my heart and head feel and think. thats what I will say.
3. exercise 3 times a week.
4. wake up and think how can i die to myself today, and live for Christ.
5. Do great in school.
6. pray all the time. I want to get into the habit whenever I am going anyplace, sitting there, or what ever it is that I am doing that I would be praying. (so far so good.)

I recently started a new job. and its at a gym, and I love it. Its great. But I get to work out for free there so thats why I am trying to work out three times a week. SO yesterday was day 1 of working out. so far so good. except I think I hurt my hip. actually I am convinced that this is whats wrong with me. ahh webmb really messes with your head.