LC 2011

Tomorrow I leave for camp yet again, 

this time things are a lot different.

So much has changed in the past year it is un-believable. Last year I was getting ready to leave for camp, with Kingman, and with 14 kids all of which I was so excited to be around.There had been so much anticipations for camp, just because this would be the last camp for me with Kingman Young Life. Over the past few years each one of these girl has grown so dear to my heart, and camp would be the last pull. After camp was over I was leaving, moving, and no longer leading.

This year its almost the opposite. I don't know any of the girls that I am going with, and instead of leaving after camp I am diving head first into head leading with Brandon-my soon to be husband. 

To say that there are a lot of different emotions would be an understatement. 

the first being that in less than 3 weeks I will be married! gosh-that to me is un-believable. and there is still quit a bit to be done(eekk).

I can always tell when camp is coming up because its like I am weighted down by something-like the enemy is trying to suck life out of me...a little dramatic but its feels pretty real to me. paper work, money, drivers, it all seems like the biggest deal in the world, until you arrive at camp. and then the chaos begins.

Another really exciting thing is that Brandon and I will be leading together at Lost Canyon this year, and exactly 2 years ago we met at Lost Canyon. 

Jesus is so good! 

Keep Los Alamos in your prayers, the leaders, campers, and our time there. That Jesus would be seen every where, and that as leaders would would know what to say, and when to say it.

I also found this pretty awesome website.

 If you don't know about young life you should check it out. 

Arizona girl. boo-ya

It has been far too long since my last post.
I think that I may say that more often than not.
well I am currently a resident of New mexico. (kinda?)
Woah, that is a little strange to me.
I am living at Brandons dad's house until we get married ( why yes I am like a little child with no home.... all of my things are at Brandons house, and I am living here. I have had this feeling for the past month of so. And its going to be so stinkin nice to be able to cozy up in my own home with my sweet husband.)
But if I am being completely honest it just feels like I am visiting once again, and  I will soon be leaving to go back home.
 And I really don't know when it is going to hit me, that new mexico is my home...
For some reason now that I am not living in Arizona I am much more proud to call myself an Arizona girl.
I feel like I have this hug concrete wall holding back all of this water (my emotions) just waiting to crack and explode.
I have been waiting for this "moment" since Brandon and I got engaged, and it still hasn't hit me.
I have had a few moments(both of which were spent with my sweet mama crying, telling her my fears and excitement in being a wife, moving, and all of this change) but it just feels like a tiny leak of water in what I expect to come. It is a little scary to me that my normal support system, and the people I usually run to when this happens are 8 hours away. frik.
Some times I have these moment of  "oh gosh, did I loose my soft hard? is it all hardened up...have I lost my ability to cry?" which then I feel like God does a little giggle, and says "oh sweet girl..don't you worry" then a few short hours later I am crying about something.
Right now I feel like I have a very large list of things to do in a pretty short time period.
Our house currently looks like a war zone, dishes every where mud on the floor from Cash( our dog) and boxes every where. and I literally mean everywhere. including the bathroom, on the beds, and ALL over the living room. A friend came over today and there wasn't any where to sit in the house... Lame?
Its time to start un-packing.
so far this is what I have done, opened a box looked at whats inside and folded it back up and pushed it to the side.
this has gotten me no where.
well it just leads to more crap every where.
I will be blogging more frequently, I feel like it a little way to help me make sense of all of this change, and update the dear ones I love on how all of this transition is going.

What I would give to just lay in this divine bath-tub

make my heart melt. 

not so great at goodbyes...

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the wedding invitations. I have been checking the ups tracking information for the past hour, hoping that it will say "delivered" but instead it just sat "out for delivery" since 5 am.
I should be studying... I have been for the past hour or so, and then I got sucked into stumble upon, and found so many glorious DIY ideas. and then I just threw studying to the wind.
I only have 7 days left living in Flagstaff. and that to me is very strange. I know that things are going to change. so much is going to change...for starters in less than 2 months I will be married. and I am SO thankful that the Lord has blessed Brandon and I to this point where we will become one.
But I will say this, its going to be a emotional process.
Already the water works are coming. and its not slowly, just all at once this overwhelming feeling will hit me and the tears start coming.
For starters I was going on a wonderful random walk with Kaley (we were going to go scope out the furniture that our neighbors threw out...you find some pretty sweet things) and it turned into a pretty long walk. Which is always needed. Kaley and I are pretty much the same person... people ask if were sister almost every time we go some where together. and its fantastic...because she is a babe!
but we are walking just talking like we always do. and it suddenly hits me that this may be one of the last times we go on a random walk. this may be the last time where I get the much needed love and encouragement that I need, and hear the exact words that I need to hear from her. She knows me well, and can always call me out. which is so great.
then I am wanting to tell her how thankful I am for her.
Instead I am just blubbering, with tears running down my face, and the ugly chin thing that happens when you cry really hard. and all I can get out is " i just want you to know that I really love you." pft. lameo.
what I really want to say is this:
thank you for all of the late night talks. The nights when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and flip off the world, thanks for being the one that lays next to me and cries.and says that its okay to to be upset. and my feelings are justified. Thanks for being the one who is always there to talk me through things when Brandon and I got into an argument. Thank you for being Jesus to me when I needed it most. thanks for loving me, and thanks for being who you are. I am thankful for the last year, and the precious time we got to spend together. it makes me happy that in this past year we have only gone without talking for 5 days. I love the random moments...us trying to lay in a hammock together, eating way to much junk food, and smoking our girly cigars when sometimes we just need to have one of those nights. Where we are brutally honest and the other doesn't think any less of them. I am glad that I can tell you all the crap that I am really feeling and you don't think less of me for some things I say. My heart is sad to think that in less than a week I wont be able to walk into your room with tears in my eyes and just dump all of the crap thats going on, and just have you sit in the bathroom while we hash through the stuff.and even when the really exciting things happen I wont be able to give you a big hug.  As I write this I am trying to keep my crap together, because I am well aware that I look like a fool sitting in a coffee shop while there are tears rolling down my face. but I am beyond the point of caring.
This past year wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you so dearly. and I am thankful for Jesus putting us together, in our house, and randomly at Woodleaf.
I think that it would be okay if our last departure would be from a bathroom crying. considering thats where it all began.
love you sweet Kaley.

Part 6

I knew that I had officially loved Brandon when...well there wasn't actually a moment of "yes... I do indeed love him".I guess it was just a progression of feelings. Now very quickly Brandon became one of my favorite people to be around. You know when you meet people and you are just drawn to them? well thats a pretty safe way to define how I felt about him. I was drawn to him. There were a few different reasons- His love for Jesus is SO contagious.He is a fantastic leader in our relationship. How he isn't like every other guy. Literally Brandon is one of a kind. How he pursued me in pretty unique ways. His corky sense of humor(sometimes I may be the only one laughing.. love you dear! =) and his killer eyes...have you seen them? man- when we first met we were walking around at lost Canyon and I said "you have wonderful eyes" he responded with "yeah I hear that sometimes" so cute!

I guess one of the big things was when I was talking to my little brother about a girl, and he was telling me how much he cared for her. this is how I responded.

"Buddy I know right now this girl seems like it. like the only one you could ever care about.... But when I was on work crew for the first time I met this guy and his name was Jacob*(changed his name...but if he read this he would pick up very fast that this was about him...) and he was so great. I was convinced that THIS was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I though that he was the best thing ever! that anything he did was the smartest and best thing ever.  Literally I though that no guy could every be better than Jacob. and then I met Brandon. and it is safe to say that Brandon surpasses Jacob 50 times. Literally Jacob isn't half the man that Brandon is. I want you to hold out for that. Really Bud you will meet someone who is 50 times better than her. I promise."  

That was a big moment for me. I had always known that Brandon was different. but I guess that was when I realized  wow, this guy has my heart. and I am pretty sure I am going to marry him.

 From here on we started looking into the possibility of me moving. to New Mexico.

But I didn't want to move out there and not be engaged. I feel like it goes hand in hand for long distance relationships. 

I distinctly remember when we talked about this. We were driving to Nanas house, and it was dark out. and we were talking about what would happen if I moved, what it would look like, or if its even a possibility. and Brandon said I want to be engaged shortly after you move here. my stomach got butterflies instantly. ahhh what an exciting time. this was the weekend where we went up to the mountains and took some pictures, and a video. He ended up using these in his  proposal.  

Let's dream together

Lately I have been dreaming. It's a fun thing to do especially with people. A few years ago a dear friend of mine said" let's dream together." That's how passion begins..dreaming something up. It creates, hope, a hunger, and passion. It creates relationships, it created Kingman Young Life. It helps make us who we are. I dream of the future, sometimes its "oh, if only I do this 1 thing", or if only I worked out more, read a little more, dig deeper in those relationships. Now my dreaming consist of what the married life is going to be. In only 2 1/2 short months. What my community in Los Alamos will look like. Finally leading again. I dream of someday writing a book. I don't know about what, and  I don't know if it can ever happen. But I can dream. I dream of people being inspires by this book I may someday write. This will be a book that people recommend to another. and there on the back will be a picture of me next to the about the author. It will be a picture of me and my husband and my kids. 

I dream of what my life In Los Alamos will look like. 

waking up every morning with my bare feet steeping into the cold hard wood floors, walking downstairs, grabbing a mug filling it up with coffee and creamer then snuggling up next to my husband. We will sit there and just look out the window together, and just be for those few minutes before our day becomes crazy. He will leave for work then I will make my way into the kitchen plop down into a chair pull out my bible and read read, and then start my day. I will grab Cash (our soon to be golden retriever who we are going to rename Jake...) Then go on a nice long walk together. He will be my buddy during the day. Then school, maybe work, young life, or whatever that day may hold. 

It seems very easy for me to dream up what my mornings will look like.not too sure why. 

 I dream of Leading again, Having sweet passionate friendships with those beautiful girls. my heart aches to lead again. I dream of our home being a safe place. Where any of our young life kids can come over, any time. Just to hang out, or when they had that really hard day. That they will feel safe there, that conversations will be started . 

I dream of our home being used for ministry.

 I dream of what life will look like when I no longer have to say good-bye to the man who I have come to love so deeply, 

and being Mrs.Stone. 

Christian Marie Stone. its goes great doesn't it?

my wedding, of course I dream about it, the way Brandon will look at me while I walk down the isle to him. People will say it was the most beautiful wedding they have ever seen. 

I dream about the moment when Brandon and I find out we are having a baby. that we created life.

There are lots of things to dream about.

be passionate about something.

follow what you think your called to do, even if it may not be the best plan.

Jesus wants nothing but beautiful things for us.

Trust that.

  I am speaking to myself what I say all of this stuff. 

2 wisdom teeth..gone.

I would love to find an outfit similar to this, I mean it would look adorable in Ireland right?

This is such a powerful blog. I am very excited to read his book once Jonathan is done reading it.

Here is out official wedding blog...check it out=)

I really love the idea of people using lavender in their flowers

I cannot stop thinking about making this for lunch, but instead I am constantly eating apple sauce, and soup. Thanks wisdom teeth.
Friends is on, and its time to go eat some more apple sauce.
have a beautiful day.