I am sitting in a book store with the snow falling just a few feet away, and a delicious fruity hot tea at hand.
I may or may not of had a hard time driving this morning....
(I will say this, growing up with 0 snow makes snow THAT much more exciting...except when your sliding down the hill outside of your house and you can just muster out a quick prayer "Oh Jesus please don't let me hit that tree".)
But I really do love these cozy days.
I am currently taking a yoga class.... haha yes.
and it is so great! (minus the weird things that the teacher may say...) I have made it a goal of mine to let that time while I am sitting there, staring out those 2 huge glass walls that look out onto beautiful trees to have that be sweet Jesus time.
To really meditate on a verse, kind ignore what the teacher says(about karma& letting go of it, and let your spirit guide you... ) Today the verse that I mediated on is this. ( I will most likely meditate on it in the next few classes too)
She is clothed in strength and dignity Proverbs 31:25
If you read all of proverbs 31 and your a woman....you WILL feel inspired.
Inspired to be like the wife that is talked about.
It says that she is worth more than rubies.
READ IT.
My teacher also told us to think of words while we inhale and exhale( if you have ever taken a yoga class alot of it is breathing....) She suggested some pretty hippie ones, being one with the earth... hah it is pretty funny.
But mine was Grace.
Inhale exhale....Grace.
It was a good morning thanks to Jesus.
and I could dig this.
I am my Beloved's, and His desire is for me. Song of Solomon 7:10
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
By the grace of God I am what I am- 1 Corinthians 15:10
I have been itching to blog for the past few days.
I am currently reading this fantastic book by Beth Moore.
It rocks me alot.
I would just like to say this books has done alot for me.
It has shown me areas where I need to grow, what I need to let go of and PRAISE JESUS
I am not the only girl who feels insecure.
I have been highlighting, and underlining this book over and over again.
I would like to share just a few with you:
" In other words the more tender hearted we are the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be. Some people take things harder and deeper to heart than others. It's not a matter of weakness. It's a matter of personal sensitivity. "
"I'm afraid I will get bitten. God gave me this tender heart and though I want to give up my chronic insecurity I really do want to hang onto my heart. When I don't feel something It's like being dead"
This one really shook me:
"Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss. Insecure people are always afraid that something or somebody is going to be taken from them"
Now if that doesn't smack me right in the face I am not sure what else will.
SO to put a title on my last post about fear that something was going to happen to Brandon.
Yup. Insecurity.
Not to say that I am completely free of insecurities, but I feel like I have come to the point where I am better than when I started.
The fear doesn't have a hold. ( as of right now...you know how those insecurities sneak up on us, tap us on the shoulder and pretend to be a comfort. bull crap.)
On another note.....
I am feeling like I could just sit and people watch for a few hours.
I am wishing I could see this guys this weekend:
I am excited to see this concert with my brother.
I may or may not be obsessed with this blog.
I have a few ideas as to when I can use this fantastic photographer.
Oh I had a fantastic weekend snowboarding with these fantastic people.
I am SO thankful I found sweet girls who were at the same level as me(yay!)
I seriously cannot wait to lead in LA! Its going to be so great!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Dear sweet YL girls,
I have recently discovered how meaningful you truly are to me. Through the rough days, and tired mornings, You have shown me Jesus. Even though you may or may not know Him. You have shown me a little bit of who He is.
I know that you are in high school, But I want to thank you for allowing me into your life. For asking me questions, for calling, for being who you are. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to serve you. Which is disguised as late night phone calls,dance parties, tearful conversations, and many many coffee dates. How I have cherished those memories of everything we have all done together.
As a leader I never really expect to get much out of camp...just because I have heard the message quite a few times. but this time was completely different. It was because of you that it was different.
As I went into this week of camp...there was a lot of stress behind it. But all of those stressful moments were washed away the second we stepped out of our cars and were greeted by high school and college aged kids welcoming us with big grins, loud voices and even bigger hearts. The look on your face will forever be etched in my heart.
while you were nervous to go to camp, I was also nervous, Although it may not have seemed like it this was my first time doing this all by myself.
Having a conversation with one of you a few weeks before camp you had watched this video, you nervously asked me..." Is that what camp is really about??" I answered you with tears coming and said yes. It is all about you.
Little did you know how much your heart was going to change.
Little did you know with each club talk you were slowly beginning to understand, and with each cabin time your walls were being broken down.
Little did you know that work crew and summer staff were praying over your name, every hour for 24 hours.
How my heart broke hearing your worst day. How much my heart rejoiced as we sat and prayed for Jesus to come into your heart with shaky hands and shaky voice and tears rolling down out faces. The Angels were rejoicing. They were so excited that you decided to come home. I feel so honored that I was able to witness that.
On our last day there I woke you all up very early...too early for your liking. I didn't tell you what time, I just said to grab your blankets we were going somewhere. (which you all responded with "will there be boys? last time you did this there were boys and we were wearing sweats...thats not okay" haha you guys were so funny) I responded with "Yes the last time I kinda tricked you...but this is different trust me no boys will be there."
This time of camp was different. because I was the only girl leader. I chose how I did cabin time, what we did and didn't do. I loved being able to use all that I had learned(good and bad) from the previous years and put it to good use.
So we all walk out side with our blankets wrapped tightly around us the sun slowly rising and sat in a circle with a ball of yarn in the middle.
I wanted us to have about an hour to tell each other what we love about the people who were sitting with us. Through all of it I was on the verge of sobbing. Because this was going to be my last Kingman young life camp. A thought I shuddered at.
Here we are with that experience 6 months behind us, but still as I write this tears come to my eyes with the impression you have left on me.
I am nervous to begin leading else where because of how you all hold a place in mt heart. Nervous that I wont have relationships with them like I did with you. But that nervousness has been put to rest with this thought ringing in my head.
"all you need to do is show up.Jesus does the rest"
Walking away was hard for me, and still sometimes I wonder why I had to move away and finish college(ha)
but as I listen to Amazing grace by Shawn Mcdonald I am realizing that my time there was planned. God knew I would be leading there, even though I am broken.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind but now I see.
He knew all of it from the begging.
Thank you for being you. and changing my heart.
How I long for the day we will all be reunited.
with my whole heart,
Christian
I know that you are in high school, But I want to thank you for allowing me into your life. For asking me questions, for calling, for being who you are. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to serve you. Which is disguised as late night phone calls,dance parties, tearful conversations, and many many coffee dates. How I have cherished those memories of everything we have all done together.
As a leader I never really expect to get much out of camp...just because I have heard the message quite a few times. but this time was completely different. It was because of you that it was different.
As I went into this week of camp...there was a lot of stress behind it. But all of those stressful moments were washed away the second we stepped out of our cars and were greeted by high school and college aged kids welcoming us with big grins, loud voices and even bigger hearts. The look on your face will forever be etched in my heart.
while you were nervous to go to camp, I was also nervous, Although it may not have seemed like it this was my first time doing this all by myself.
Having a conversation with one of you a few weeks before camp you had watched this video, you nervously asked me..." Is that what camp is really about??" I answered you with tears coming and said yes. It is all about you.
Little did you know how much your heart was going to change.
Little did you know with each club talk you were slowly beginning to understand, and with each cabin time your walls were being broken down.
Little did you know that work crew and summer staff were praying over your name, every hour for 24 hours.
How my heart broke hearing your worst day. How much my heart rejoiced as we sat and prayed for Jesus to come into your heart with shaky hands and shaky voice and tears rolling down out faces. The Angels were rejoicing. They were so excited that you decided to come home. I feel so honored that I was able to witness that.
On our last day there I woke you all up very early...too early for your liking. I didn't tell you what time, I just said to grab your blankets we were going somewhere. (which you all responded with "will there be boys? last time you did this there were boys and we were wearing sweats...thats not okay" haha you guys were so funny) I responded with "Yes the last time I kinda tricked you...but this is different trust me no boys will be there."
This time of camp was different. because I was the only girl leader. I chose how I did cabin time, what we did and didn't do. I loved being able to use all that I had learned(good and bad) from the previous years and put it to good use.
So we all walk out side with our blankets wrapped tightly around us the sun slowly rising and sat in a circle with a ball of yarn in the middle.
I wanted us to have about an hour to tell each other what we love about the people who were sitting with us. Through all of it I was on the verge of sobbing. Because this was going to be my last Kingman young life camp. A thought I shuddered at.
Here we are with that experience 6 months behind us, but still as I write this tears come to my eyes with the impression you have left on me.
I am nervous to begin leading else where because of how you all hold a place in mt heart. Nervous that I wont have relationships with them like I did with you. But that nervousness has been put to rest with this thought ringing in my head.
"all you need to do is show up.Jesus does the rest"
Walking away was hard for me, and still sometimes I wonder why I had to move away and finish college(ha)
but as I listen to Amazing grace by Shawn Mcdonald I am realizing that my time there was planned. God knew I would be leading there, even though I am broken.
I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind but now I see.
He knew all of it from the begging.
Thank you for being you. and changing my heart.
How I long for the day we will all be reunited.
with my whole heart,
Christian
Friday, January 7, 2011
You know what I need.
I had written about 4 paragraphs about what I am feeling.and i just deleted it on accident. I think thats a sign..ha
But to recap. I am feeling weak, and isolated.
when in reality I am not lonely. I have beautiful people surrounding me.and I have Jesus.
Fear has recently entered into my life, and it will not be staying. It is an exhausting feeling. Fear. I fear the weirdest things. That Brandon will be hurt, and there wont be anything I can do. and nope. there is NOTHING I can do. except pray. and trust Jesus.
I think its good for me to be in places of utter weakness. To be reminded that I am human, I make mistakes, and worry.
I am not perfect, nor am I required to be perfect.
but Christ is perfect. and loves me even when I am crying of the stupidest things.
Lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.
I look out the window and the birds are composing not a note is out of tune, or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers. Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
why should I worry, why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need.
Your Love is, your love is, your love is strong.
Man. John Foreman gets is right.
On a different note. I have decided that I am not going to do new year resolutions.
(because anytime Ive tried I have always stopped doing them)
but instead a life change.
Here they are:
1. Spend an hour a week in solitude. Just silence by myself. praying and reading my bible.
2. Be honest; if what I am thinking and feeling isn't what I am saying...I'm not telling the truth. so whatever my heart and head feel and think. thats what I will say.
3. exercise 3 times a week.
4. wake up and think how can i die to myself today, and live for Christ.
5. Do great in school.
6. pray all the time. I want to get into the habit whenever I am going anyplace, sitting there, or what ever it is that I am doing that I would be praying. (so far so good.)
I recently started a new job. and its at a gym, and I love it. Its great. But I get to work out for free there so thats why I am trying to work out three times a week. SO yesterday was day 1 of working out. so far so good. except I think I hurt my hip. actually I am convinced that this is whats wrong with me. ahh webmb really messes with your head.
But to recap. I am feeling weak, and isolated.
when in reality I am not lonely. I have beautiful people surrounding me.and I have Jesus.
Fear has recently entered into my life, and it will not be staying. It is an exhausting feeling. Fear. I fear the weirdest things. That Brandon will be hurt, and there wont be anything I can do. and nope. there is NOTHING I can do. except pray. and trust Jesus.
I think its good for me to be in places of utter weakness. To be reminded that I am human, I make mistakes, and worry.
I am not perfect, nor am I required to be perfect.
but Christ is perfect. and loves me even when I am crying of the stupidest things.
Lead me far from temptation, deliver me from the evil one.
I look out the window and the birds are composing not a note is out of tune, or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers. Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
why should I worry, why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need.
Your Love is, your love is, your love is strong.
Man. John Foreman gets is right.
On a different note. I have decided that I am not going to do new year resolutions.
(because anytime Ive tried I have always stopped doing them)
but instead a life change.
Here they are:
1. Spend an hour a week in solitude. Just silence by myself. praying and reading my bible.
2. Be honest; if what I am thinking and feeling isn't what I am saying...I'm not telling the truth. so whatever my heart and head feel and think. thats what I will say.
3. exercise 3 times a week.
4. wake up and think how can i die to myself today, and live for Christ.
5. Do great in school.
6. pray all the time. I want to get into the habit whenever I am going anyplace, sitting there, or what ever it is that I am doing that I would be praying. (so far so good.)
I recently started a new job. and its at a gym, and I love it. Its great. But I get to work out for free there so thats why I am trying to work out three times a week. SO yesterday was day 1 of working out. so far so good. except I think I hurt my hip. actually I am convinced that this is whats wrong with me. ahh webmb really messes with your head.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2 things you told me;that you are strong and you Love me.
I am currently in Kingman, sweet old hometown. Some times it sweet, sometimes not so much. It has snowed here which is strange. It usually doesn't snow here too much. we are in the middle of 2 extreme seasons. Our winters aren't too cold, and our summers aren't too hot. Which is nice.
Lately I have had a craving for Flagstaff. The silence of snow, walking down town. Coffee shops on all different corners, great books. and listening to sweet songs that just make you want to bundle up and wander. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt7wnWrortA&feature=player_embedded#!
It reminds me of Colorado, the feeling of being all bundled and warm ,and the cold just inches from your warm body. The silence of snow. I don't know if you have ever been some where that snows a lot, but if you have you know what I mean. with those big snow flakes falling around you things are just put to silence. like you are the only one around for miles and its okay. its not an creepy eerie thing, it just that when you walk around within a few minutes your footsteps will be covered up by the new snow.
I love the analogy that says when we are forgiven we are then as white as snow. That picture is brought to life when you live somewhere that snows. (except when it gets that muck black snow.... not okay. )
Living in Flagstaff I feel so blessed by the community that is there. always there to catch you when you fall,hold you, sit with you while you cry, and pray for you. Especially my roommates. How dear they are too me. and how many times they have caught me, sat with me, and prayed with me. But it was in the middle of finals week which is pretty stressful and they decided to have a worship night. what a sweet blessing it was.
Gathered by people who you may not not but you are all worshiping the same God. We sang thing song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7YIqWzKfQ&feature=related
and since then it has been close to my heart. such a great song.
(side note I have recently become semi obsessed with John Foreman. He is fantastic....gosh so good.)
Lately I have had a craving for Flagstaff. The silence of snow, walking down town. Coffee shops on all different corners, great books. and listening to sweet songs that just make you want to bundle up and wander. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt7wnWrortA&feature=player_embedded#!
It reminds me of Colorado, the feeling of being all bundled and warm ,and the cold just inches from your warm body. The silence of snow. I don't know if you have ever been some where that snows a lot, but if you have you know what I mean. with those big snow flakes falling around you things are just put to silence. like you are the only one around for miles and its okay. its not an creepy eerie thing, it just that when you walk around within a few minutes your footsteps will be covered up by the new snow.
I love the analogy that says when we are forgiven we are then as white as snow. That picture is brought to life when you live somewhere that snows. (except when it gets that muck black snow.... not okay. )
Living in Flagstaff I feel so blessed by the community that is there. always there to catch you when you fall,hold you, sit with you while you cry, and pray for you. Especially my roommates. How dear they are too me. and how many times they have caught me, sat with me, and prayed with me. But it was in the middle of finals week which is pretty stressful and they decided to have a worship night. what a sweet blessing it was.
Gathered by people who you may not not but you are all worshiping the same God. We sang thing song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7YIqWzKfQ&feature=related
and since then it has been close to my heart. such a great song.
(side note I have recently become semi obsessed with John Foreman. He is fantastic....gosh so good.)
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